With the Giantsized Sex Issue almost ready, I, Garrett Cook, editor of Imperial Youth Review, have decided to get together some of the sexiest artists, entertainers and writers out there. We are still looking for advertisers for this issue, and will be able to roll it out when we have two more. It will contain work by the likes of Barbie Wilde, Violet le Voit, Jeff Burk and more and some stupendous art by Chrissie Horcheimer and erotic ventriloquism sensation Veronica Chaos. Email me at thecentercannothold@gmail.com and we can discuss rates. The return of IYR to print is going to be a big to do. First up is Mandy Sandra, author of Kirk Cameron and the Crocoduck of Chaos Magick, the paranormal erotica sensation that has the Twittersphere abuzz. Move over, Chuck Tingle!
I first met Mandy de Sandra on a rainy night in the Hollywood Hills at one of cult novelist Henry Price’s parties. Henry’s parties were loud, decadent affairs that usually ended with the host getting into some sort of violent altercation. Henry was what you’d call a character and crotchety as he was, he could hold a room. Mandy, however, with her sparkling wit and scintillating cleavage wrested the night away from our host. She was the talk of the party and if you could get through her entourage of hangers on, those young people of almost alien beauty that defied gender, she would charm your pants off and make you feel like the only person in the room. We reconnected recently when she saw my article on The Human Centipede 3 and I saw her recent success with her new book.
I had to arrange an interview. And this is how it went.
Great to see you again, Mandy. It’s been awhile. I think last time we met up was at that party at Hank Price’s
That was a dashing affair. Good to talk with your suave self, Mr. Cook
Oh, pshaw. So, how have you been?
I have been excited and even scared. Many emotions. My Dept of Labor job can be stressful, many story finding readers has been an absolute delight.
I can only imagine. Tell me a bit about this project.
This project started with the idea of my love of cheese and Kirk Cameron. It’s a naughty love. My girlfriend Raye and I are hate-fans of him. Little by little the story turned into something strange and exciting. I then had to write it.
That makes sense. Were you concerned that people would be offended by the use of cheese in your book? Do you think it will alienate the lactose intolerant?
My father is lactose intolerant and never got to know the beauty and ecstasy of cheese. I think in someways this is my way to share that love to him and maybe get his own love. Erotica is a dark art.
Indeed it is. Do you feel that this book was a way for you to channel that darkness safely? Without making your father eat cheese for your arousal?
All art I think is an act of safe defiance and love. My father used o give me the worse looks when I enjoyed pizza. I felt so bad. Yet, there were times when I enjoyed torturing him by eating salad with goat cheese
Do you think Kirk ever harbored feelings like that toward Alan Thicke?
Is it possible that this sort of private crime against nature spurred on his interest in paleontology?
I saw how to (sic) looked at each other but I always saw Kirk really have feeling with the Boner Stabone Character . Their relationship was so enjoyable. Using Jungian views I always saw Boner as a magician and Kirk as a King. True harmony
So, you feel that Boner might have been Mike’s one chance at happiness? Do you think this tension is the “growing pains” the show’s title refers to?
I don’t know if Kirk knows what the word paleontology means but I think he’s always had a way of not dealing with some of the hardships of nature…I do. I think Kirk’s character was a gay man who didn’t want to grow up but be forever best friends with boner. It does. It definitely does.
So, which are more erotic, crocodiles or ducks?
Not to be a cop out, but they are both are too (sic) me. Equally. The duck is romantic and cute and the crocodile is a primal beast. The Crocoduck would be the perfect man.
I don’t think that’s a copout. I think that’s something to aspire to.
Are you concerned about crocoduck poaching? Is there a big problem with this?
I agree. I am really concerned about disenchantment. I don’t want to live in a world where we don’t believe in Crocoducks. The only poaching that needs to stop is people poaching their own hearts.
That’s beautiful. Speaking of enchantment, Chaos Magick plays a part in your story. There are a lot of famous practitioners from Pete Carroll to Genesis P-Orridge to Grant Morrison, to Jeff Burk. Do you consider yourself a chaos magician?
I didn’t but with writing this story I feel very close to the practice, like this story was an act of Chaos Magick. I also think Jeff Burk is adorable and would watch Star Trek with him any day
He loves him some Star Trek. Let’s say I’m a regular American, living in a trailer full of guns sitting on a chair made of guns, carving a Confederate flag into my fat white gut with my officially licensed Duck Dynasty Bowie knife. How concerned do you think I would need to be about Chaos Magick? Is it time to panic? Are we all going to die?
I believe Chaos Magickians are there (sic) worst nightmares. They take symbols and post-modernism and make magic with it. I think they helped take down the confederate flag. They are not going to die but their beliefs will die a spiritual death.
Interesting. Do you believe in evolution? If people evolved from monkeys, how come there are still monkeys following me everywhere, mocking me for my failures in life?
This is a great and deep question. I do believe in evolution but try to finding meaning and enchantment still with natural selection. The monkeys are everywhere my friend. I like to think we are half monkey and half angel making sense of it all.
That’s very profound. Do you have any advice for people looking to evolve or to have sex with Kirk Cameron?
Empathy and self love I believe is our next step to keep evolving to be more angelic…I think Kirk would be happier if he was a swinger. I read about Christian swingers and I think that is beautiful. Kirk should join them.
Last question: have you met Alyssa Milano? What does she think of all of this? Would she like a backrub?
Only my dreams where she is a lovely as she was in Charmed. I think Alyssa Milano would smile the way she did at Tony Danza and Angela and feel love for all creatures. Everyone forgets what treasure she is and how her beauty and spirit was the boss…she would love one. Thanks Mr. Cool (sic) for having me. You’re a true gentleman.
Thank you for the interview, Mandy. Good luck with everything!
You can buy Kirk Cameron and the Crocoduck of Chaos Magick
HERETell everyone about this awesome shit!
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