WE apologize for any inconvenience to you or your family or loved ones. The Test starts now.
Epic Fail. WE have massaged the data and find you wanting. There will be no happy endings, no release. Our machines never cease their vigilant analysis.
Do not be afraid. Go to the mirror. No, that one. Ignore the mirrors behind you and immediately to the right. Those are not yours. Your image is currently being processed. It is inarguable that there is something deeply, horribly flawed with the data you presented us yesterday.
Do not attempt to capture the image. The face in the mirror is highly unstable. It will now disintegrate, revealing your unspeakable core. Look closely. We have calibrated our machines to a place beyond gradients. Our governors are immaculate and implacable. They do not respond to irrational pleas. Do not attempt to move.
Examine the box for exit signs. Signs have been placed there for your convenience. Failure to cooperate in this testing situation will be noted. Please do not worry. Our evidence collectors have located a note from your high school principal. It reads, and I quote, “this one presents a real problem.”
Your fears are groundless. They were right all along. You have been chosen for infinite detention and experimentation. Yes, it is quite absurd. Terror was found in your cerebral cortex, medulla and Box of Heavy Rocks. Please do not use any Weapons of Mass Destruction. Your cooperation in this exercise has been noted.
WE are a splinter group from the US government. WE have provided exile for certain individuals who match our profile. WE have chosen you. You may protest but our methods are beyond reproach. You will not remember this message.
WE have found you guilty of unspeakable crimes. Please place your hands upon the instrument. The priest of your choice will be here shortly. Ah, here he is. All hands on the terrible wheel. Proceed with caution. Mind the gap.
Have a nice day. Enjoy your purchase. Thank you for shopping at XYZ. You’ve been a trooper. WE mean this literally. WE apologize for any delay in processing. An operator will see you shortly. WE hope you found a billion served.
How would you rate your torture and incarceration on a scale of 1-10? If you found any aspect of the soul-death unsatisfactory, please report it to the proper authorities. The proper authorities are standing by. Thank you for shopping at MURDER, INC. We appreciate your business.
You are going to die now. Please remember that everything possible has been done to ensure your comfort, convenience and personal security in this process. You may experience some initial discomfort. WE.
DIE. You. Enjoy box image. Thank. Shopping. Do not forget to. Standing by. Side effects may include DEATH. Dismembered mirrors. Epic security. Game discomfort. Side. You. Shopping.