I’m Smarter than You Pt.1

 For the past two years of my young life, I have increasingly suffered this tremendous gnawing at my spirit, my soul and my bullshit-tolerance. Between the Fall of 2004, when I was transferred to an arts-based alternative high school in Providence, RI, to the Fall of 2011 when I graduated from college in VT and moved out into “The World,” I have had the absolute worst go of learning to live among the worst sort of people of all. They come in all shapes, and they are of every race. Their sexual identities are as varied as the colors in the LGBTQRSTUVWXYZ rainbow, and they hail from lands far and near. They belong to every socio-political group and party imaginable. Some of them, I think, might even be aliens. Can you guess? Do you know the people to whom I refer? I would preface the reveal with some bullshit “I mean no offence” disclaimer, but that’s not true. I do. I mean the most offence possible. Ever.


I didn’t know there were so many of them, and that the degrees of FS (standing in for Fucking Stupidity) varied so drastically! I don’t know where to begin!

I was very, very fortunate to have been rescued from an extreme onslaught of their young at the age of 16, when I was air-lifted from their territory and carried to salvation much as a cuddly toy in a claw machine at the mall. I was failing out of the American public school system, and I was ready to drop out because I was drowning in the stupidity of the vast majority of their students and their equally stupid, incompetent and under qualified educators. Somehow I, ME, LYDIA! Found myself at the bottom of the bin. Luckily, I was, as a last resort, placed in a very, very small school full of other, albeit damaged, cuddly toys. I learned very important lessons there, and I am very grateful.

I’m also really very grateful to have had the blessed experience of moving to Vermont for college, and for every tragic, miserable, impoverished shitshow of emotion and bodily fluid that I experienced while putting myself through school by taking my clothes off for strangers. I learned everything that I ever wanted to know until that point and some things that I didn’t, some things that I didn’t know I wanted to know and things that I didn’t know that I didn’t want to know. Then, I moved away from the isolated mountain town and into the Big City. I had chewed up and masticated every bit and bite of what that environment had available to me, and I was ready to step out into “The World.”

Wanna know who else lives in “The World?”


The primary source of my discontent with so many of the FS persuasion is that they believe, they think that they are among the Real People. There are many forces at work, of course, that have groomed the FS to embrace this delusion for most of their lives. I’m sure that I’m not the only individual to experience that moment when someone says or does something just so purely and simply idiotic that there is only one natural and logical response… How. HOW. How has this person made it this far in life? How has he or she not been killed through his or her own blind idiocy? What happened to natural selection?

I’m not talking about dumb people. There are always dumb people everywhere, somehow managing to remain on the right side of a thin line. Sometimes I feel dumb. Sometimes I do dumb shit, and sometimes I really do act dumb to get myself out of one kind of trouble or another. No, these people are of an entirely different breed.

What are these forces to which I’ve eluded? Not even I know for sure. I could pin it on some illuminati monarch programming microchip conspiracy disaster robo-tech apocalypse, but I don’t think that’s really the problem, or at least the majority of the problem.

Many of the FS have been coddled. They’ve had rich daddies to pay their rent and bills and tuition for them, issuing them credit cards at the age of 16, allowing the individual to “grow” into “adulthood” with no understanding of money’s worth. Worse, he will never have lived having known the embrace of the stomach-clenching heart-attack/stroke combo, which serves most of us as an internal financial advisor. That shit is important! How can one ever truly become an adult without ever having to decide between doing laundry and paying for prescriptions? Without side-by-side comparing a grocery list to a food-stamp balance? Without the rent? WITHOUT RENT?! One of the only motivating factors in our decision to get out of bed and go to work in the morning!

Nay, nay. I digress. Poverty is not responsible for creating intelligent people, although many of the impoverished are forced to maintain a certain level of cleverness and resourcefulness in order to survive, which almost guarantees that poor folks are not among the FS.

Colleges and Universities are not wholly responsible for cultivating thinking minds, either. I’m very proud of how hard I worked and how much work I did in order to get to this point in my life. Which, granted, is still young and poor, but I’m not stupid, and I have that going for me. I share a neighborhood with Harvard University in Massachusetts, and while I’ve never been cursed to meet a member of the FS among the university’s matriculating asshole population, but I can claim with some authority that most of them are of no greater or lesser intelligence than most graduates of state universities. Although, I have met and worked for graduates of state universities who have admitted to using Wikepedia for research, citing some other source in their footnotes, which their professors never cross-referenced.

What I’m saying here, if I’m not making my thoughts clear, is that a formal education is no indication that a person is not a secret member of the FS. I have a very complicated relationship with a very close friend of mine. She has an enormous heart and shit for brains. It takes a lot of self control for me to refrain from losing my shit all over her when she starts talking about what a good student she was, and how she can do this or that the same as me because she went to school, same as me. HOLD THE FUCK ON. No. Nonononononono. Just because a member of the FS slips through the cracks of some massive diploma factory of a community college does not make her anywhere near the same as me in that regard. The suggestion alone is enough to prove her membership. And my status as an asshole.  I know that there are loads of people way smarter than me who have no formal education at all.

This friend of mine, she was coddled pretty expertly. What’s worse is that her parents continue to coddle her even though she is now in her early 30s and engaged to be married. Sometimes I feel like I need to make a note of everything she does or says that is so characteristically FS that I could compile it into a textbook. I will never not feel like a dick over the way I think of her in terms of capability of intelligence. She is a good person. But she is also the most Fucking Stupid individual I have ever met. Really… No one ever believes me until they actually meet her in person. I have a dog. He’s a Boston Terrier (looking very similar to a pug or French bulldog.) Sometimes I look into his bulging peepers and wonder what’s going on behind them. I do it pretty often, actually. We do spend a lot of time alone together, and I can’t ask him what he’s thinking so I wonder. I truly see more of an inclination of intelligence, a glimmer of depth, in his eyes than I see in hers.

We all know the type, but if you don’t? When you hear the words, “I don’t like Game of Thrones. They Talk in Shakesperian,” you will. I may be an asshole, but I’m not the only one.


I’m nowhere near done with this one. This is no “rant,” people. Fucking Stupidity is a motherfucking epidemic, and this is my public service announcement. 


Also, sidebar, I offer love or some shit to all of my fellow Bostonians who may be reading this post. 

3 thoughts on “I’m Smarter than You Pt.1

  1. “remarkable that a person can comprehend so little and yet live in such a complex situation… You could sweep away the entire crust of history, and she’d never know the difference.”
    F. Scott
    The Beautiful and Damned

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