Elseworlds and OkCupid





September 4th

Met a greeneyed reporter

And reporters are an excellent match

Since I am secretly a masked vigilante

“This Cook is a criminal,

A threat to law and order.

We cannot let him declare himself judge

And jury


I placed a finger upon her lip.

“Shh,” I said, “let us not speak of such unpleasantness.”

October 1st

I met her in the arboretum

She was not a reporter and floundering a bit at life

But she liked the wild places and

Thunderous guitar solos

Cernunnos watching in the trees

Saw me shake her hand

And wish her a pleasant evening

But in her wildness she kissed me goodbye.

October 15th

Met a nice girl from Brooklyn for tacos

I can’t say I liked her accent

But she was nice and enough

And we liked some of the same tv shows.

October 31st

Julie Newmar walks into my office

Looking for Plush, but he ain’t in

“I need a real man for this one,” she purrs

And soon her hands are bound behind her back

As if it’s Lynda Carter I’m restraining

And under black latex , a crimson handprint’s born

But then Conscience, Destroyer of Worlds

In Kirby colored costume lands his ship

Devouring the indecent potential.

November 17th

She stuck around and a mistake occurred

And I got icy

And I fled

And I was the one who was scared

Yes, that’s the story.

I am a real man

So I fear only tenderness.

December 10th

So, the blonde gets off the train and…

Away you ghouls! I’ve a reputation to maintain!

How dare you let me overshare like this!

December 31st

She is wearing a mask like a peacock

The curvaceous Miss Whomever

“It’s 11:58,” she tells me,

The sultry Miss Whomever

“And we must make the New Year lucky”

There’s a reason that Hopeless is so often found in front of Romantic.

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